Wednesday, March 17, 2010

St.Patrick's Day Survival Guide

It's 4p, and St. Patrick's Day festivities are rocking the city from Queens to Brooklyn. We've spent the afternoon dodging drunk sorority girls, touchy-feely meatheads from Jersey, and artificially-colored vomit on the sidewalks.

We know we're somewhat late in the game, but we hope you all have hours of car bombs and Guinness ahead of you.

Just because it's St. Patrick's day and you're off enjoying green beer throughout the five boroughs, there's no need to be sloppy. Before you gobble down your corned beef and cabbage, make sure to dummy check yourself so you're not a total wreck come 9a tomorrow. This Bitch will be on her way to take a gigantic Ecopolitics exam, and we're sure you've got offices to work in and people to see.

1. If at all possible, get ahead on your workload for tomorrow. You don't want to be worrying about that reading you should have done or that email you should have written when you're dancing on the bar at your favorite Irish pub, declaring your love for all things whiskey-flavored.
2. Make sure you've got plenty-o-fixin's on hand for an egg sandwich tomorrow morning. Trust us, you're gonna need one for the morning commute.
3. Stock your wallet with emergency just-in-case money for a cab. NOTE: Not to be confused with your emergency beer money stash!
4. Set your cell phone alarm. Eventually you'll have to put down the car bomb and pick up your textbooks.
5. If you plan on crashing with a friend or a guy, stash a toothbrush, some bobby pins, make-up remover, extra undies, a Kashi bar, a spare t-shirt, and your glasses. Just because you were a sloppy mess tonight doesn't mean you have to look like it in the morning.

We're counting on you, Bitches, to keep it together.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


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