Thursday, September 29, 2011

Look, Ma! No Gross Hands!

While the weather in New York seems to be completely bipolar- sweaters and tights one day, and blasting the AC the next- I have faith in Mother Nature that things will eventually calm down and figure out what they’re supposed to be doing.

In the meantime, I’m thinking ahead for how to best embrace the cooler temperatures once they finally get their act together. The weather can really wreck havoc on a girl’s wardrobe- from the first cool day when you pull your treasured black boots from the depths of the closet and realize that you wore down the heels way back in March, or the fact that your winter jacket just straight up won’t zip- but sometimes a bitch’s hands get it worst of all.

I can’t speak for all of you, lovely readers, but I am under the impression that you’re a bunch of equally hard-working girls who really sacrifice their personal needs once the weather conditions turn harsh. In particular, I’m talking about your hands. I can’t be the only one stuck with chapped, dry skin once late October rolls around- and I certainly can’t afford to pay a nice smiling woman to rub my hands with hot towels and slather with moisture-locking lotion when things get really bad. This is why I have decided to make a few investments of my own, by practicing good habits how and hopefully spare myself the expense of bringing my skin back from the dead in six to eight weeks.

Duane Reade and Walgreens are both boasting sales this week on travel-sized toiletries, so I’m taking the chance to stock up on all my ultra-super-duper-expensive favorites by opting for tiny form. Stashing these babies in my desk, my purse, my bathroom, and my bedside table should lead to compulsive moisturizing. To take things an insane step further, I’ve already stashed an extra pair of fingerless gloves in my desk. The chilly fall winds are not going to take this Bitch by surprise. By starting good habits early on in the season, you’ll be spared the added expense of heavy duty moisturizing lotion and the occasional manicure to transform your knarled, dry claws of hands.

Let’s keep ‘em soft in September all the way through April. It’s so self-indulgent and cheap- we’re in this one together, bitches.


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