Getting your candy fix is pretty damn easy for any Brooklyn Bitch who doesn’t exactly have two dimes to rub together. Every year, come October 31st, the city opens it’s doors wide and offers up treats and sweets for free- no questions asked.
Yep, that’s right, Bitches- Halloween isn’t just for six year olds and their classmates anymore. Personally, I was raised in a household where all the candy that you could ever want is doled out and not regulated, twice a year (Halloween and Easter). The hope that her children would somehow learn to enjoy things in moderation and get sick before lunchtime early on in their candy-consuming careers has severely backfired on my mother, leaving her with three ladies who will never stop eating as many M&M’s, Reeses, Snickers, Airheads, and Starbursts as they can cram in at one time. Here’s looking at you, 6p bellyache!
However, growing up in the city over the past four years, I’ve found that my budget can no longer support my personal habit. Luckily, New York will never let you down come All Hallows Eve. For the broke (and the not so broke) Bitches looking to get in on the holiday action this year, here are some tried-and-true venues and locations where YOU can trick-or-treat your way to a free stomach ache in no time at all.
1. If you happen to be of the five-feet-and-under-set (or just have an outrageously childish voice, like myself), you can probably con entire apartment buildings out of their selection of Dots and Almond Joys. Head to the more residential areas of Manhattan- think Upper East Side- where there are plenty of doorbells to ring and knockers to knock.
(Note: this Bitch has gotten a tip off to a huge party on 69th St and Central Park West, as well as 90th St btwn Columbus and Amsterdam Aves for truly sweet spots for trick-or-treating)
2. Hit up the bodega where you always buy your milk and cigarettes. The friendlier delis and bodegas often have bowls of candy (albeit individually wrapped Swedish fish and blow pops) up for grabs.
3. If you happen to be in the Chelsea area around 6p, families gather in Clement Clarke Moore Park on 10th Ave and 22nd St to hit the brownstones near the General Theological Seminary.
4. Duane Reade at Greenwich and Hudson has never let me down. Most Tribeca stores, as a whole, are pretty friendly for even the older trick-or-treaters.
5. Don’t discredit the more unexpected of neighborhood shops- for instance, there is a really rough and rumble training gym for boxers around the block from me, and the staff of extremely attractive men wearing muscle t’s are always willing to sneak me a full-size Kit Kat. No joke.
6. Park Slope, that Brooklyn neighborhood overflowing with children and their obnoxious parents, really pulls out all the stops today. Get yourself to Seventh Ave and 14th St by 6:30p for the three hour parade that results in parade attendees getting absolutely showered with candy.